Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

• Should I be kinky? Kink, BDSM, and ADHD

  Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.ADHD and kink might seem like an unexpected pairing, but for a lot of people, they go hand in hand. From rituals that help with focus to play that taps into the need for stimulation, BDSM can be more than just fun — it can be a real tool for regulation and connection.In this episode, host Cate Osborn chats with author and forensic sexologist Stefani Goerlich about how BDSM can actually support ADHD brains by offering structure, sensory input, and clear communication. Related resourcesStefani’s website, stefanigeorlich.comStefani’s booksTimestamps(02:46) The broad umbrella of ‘kink’(04:16) Focusing on BDSM in particular, and breaking down the acronym(08:38) Kink is always relational, only sometimes sexual(09:48) Why might someone gravitate towards kink/BDSM?(12:30) Common kink myths(15:44) Power exchange, and consent as foreplay(16:32) The benefits of BDSM/kink(18:24) How kink can help with claiming agency(21:10) How negotiated arrangements can take some of the strain off executive function challenges(23:39) What to do when one partner is kinky, and one is not so muchFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Online dating with ADHD

  Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.In theory, online dating can feel like an easy, low-stakes solution to meeting people. But in practice, there are a few pitfalls that many fall into. With ADHD, dating apps can pose even more challenges and be an additional drag on your attention. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Shauna Pollard visits the show to talk about what she’s noticed while working with ADHDers on online dating. Join this conversation on the dopamine chase that can happen while using dating apps, and setting boundaries with yourself. Related resourcesDr. Pollard’s websiteA dating coach talks ADHD and super-connectingADHD and emotionsTimestamps(01:58) ADHD and online dating challenges(09:17) Hyperfocusing on dating, and how to slow down(11:41) “Marketing yourself” on online dating, and how to show the whole picture of who you are(14:01) Figure out your “filter” for online matches, and include offline dating in addition to online(17:03) Snap judgements, biases, and discrimination(19:02) Feeling overwhelmed? Do what feels best for you(20:02) ADHD disclosure on dating profiles(22:42) Best practices for ADHDers to build meaningful relationshipsFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Reddit reactions: ADHD, cheating, and weaponized incompetence

  Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.Related resourcesThe National Domestic Violence HotlineThe ADHD Women subredditADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine”(09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD”(15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?”(21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner”(27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not aloneFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• What makes a ‘good listener’ with ADHD?

  Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.People with ADHD can often get a bad rap for being “bad listeners.” So, instead of actually listening, we’re often focusing on: Do they know I'm listening? Am I making enough eye contact? Do I look engaged?Host Cate Osborn chats with Understood.org Vice President of Expertise and licensed therapist Sarah Greenberg about  the listening strengths and weaknesses that can come with ADHD. They also unpack different modes of listening like listening to understand, listening to solve, and listening to connect.Related resourcesHow attention worksFrom the ADHD Aha! podcast, “Why don’t you listen?” Paying attention vs. hearing (Peter’s story)Timestamps(00:41) Feeling self-conscious about our ability to listen with ADHD(05:56) Different modes of listening(07:40) Figuring out our listening strengths and weaknesses(14:32) Anecdotal communication(16:48) Asking what a person needs out of a conversation(21:47) What can we do?For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Building ADHD community

  Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses.Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing experiences with others can ease shame, and create support. Related resourcesadhdasfemales.comThe ADHD Women subredditADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(00:57) How do we find value in a community with ADHD?(03:58) How did Laura get started building the ADHDAF community?(09:39) Feeling alone in what you’re facing without community(14:36) Being compassionate with others helps us be compassionate with ourselves(18:14) Feeling isolated with ADHD(19:56) How do I find community? How do I build it myself?For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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