Table Read

Act 1: The Jew Who Saved Christmas Welcome to the holiday chaos you never knew you needed. Meet Bernie Gold—Spirit Airlines check-in clerk, reluctant adult, and connoisseur of bad decisions. It’s Christmas Eve (or, as Bernie will remind you, the seventh night of Hanukkah), and while the rest of O’Hare Airport is brimming with holiday cheer, Bernie’s slouching her way through TSA complaints, confiscated wine bottles, and unsolicited career advice from her aggressively optimistic co-worker, Eve. Bernie’s life is a snow globe of dysfunction, and someone just shook it—hard. Enter a mysterious piece of "Miracle Gelt" that takes this night from mildly chaotic to “holy crap, is that actually Santa Claus in my parents’ garage?” Let’s just say Santa’s not exactly in prime sleigh-piloting condition, and Bernie might’ve had something to do with it. What follows is a whirlwind of edible-fueled mishaps, family judgment, and a holiday disaster that’s teetering on the edge of redemption. And the Cast? This lineup will make you laugh so hard you’ll spill your eggnog: Jeff Bergman (@jeffbergmanofficial) – The voice legend who brings magic to every moment. Selyna Warren (@selynadoubleya) – Writer, star, and the kind of comedic genius that keeps you hooked. Jim O’Heir (@therealjimoheir) – The guy who stole your heart in Parks and Rec steals the show again. Marissa Read (@marissalread) – A double-duty powerhouse delivering laughs and heart. John Milhiser (@johnmilhiser) – Former SNL dynamo bringing the absurdity to life. Kiel Kennedy (@kielkennedy) – The gold standard of comedy chaos. Tiffany Black (@tiffanyblackness) – Pure holiday hilarity in human form. Carla Delaney (@voicesbycarla) – The kind of voice work that makes you laugh even when you don’t want to. Ashley Bell (@ashleymichaelbell) – A scene-stealer who brings charm and mischief in equal measure. David Jacks – An actor who makes every moment count. ✨This isn’t your cookie-cutter holiday story. It’s raw, messy, ridiculously funny, and filled with just the right amount of holiday heart. Elevator Pitch: In Act 1 of The Jew Who Saved Christmas, you’ll laugh, cringe, and maybe even tear up a little as Bernie Gold stumbles her way through a Hanukkah-Christmas mashup of biblical proportions. With sharp dialogue, hilariously flawed characters, and just enough holiday magic to keep you guessing, this is the start of a holiday tale that’s anything but traditional—and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

WHO KNEW CHRISTMAS NEEDED A JEW:By: Selyna Warren, Marissa Read, and Jason Currie BERNIE Wait. What’s happening?  SANTA Christmas feels different.  Something feels new.  The snow’s whiter, it’s so much brighter, and it’s all because of you know who… BERNIE Wait… are you talking about me? SANTA I’ve roasted all the chestnuts, killed all the Christmas geese! But it’s been so monotonous delivering world peace.  Suddenly through your eyes a brand new view. Who knew Christmas needed a jew? BERNIE  - ISH. We prefer jewish, but I think I get what’s going on here. Your next miracle is to be all Barbara and sing -  SANTA I’ve whistled all the carols that could ever have been sung. The chimneys I’ve been sliding down have given me black lung. BERNIE Wait, what? I’ve been sliding down chimneys ALL FRIGGEN NIGHT! SANTA Look! I know longer have the soot flu. Who knew Christmas needed a Jew? BERNIE Okay, if you think I’m gonna join you in some dorky little diddy then you are absolutely… correct! I’ve spent every Christmas eating chinese food alone. “The dark house on the block”, that’s what they used to call my home. But with you I thinkI’ve finally got my shot. Christmas neede a jew, who knew a jew needed Christmas?  Okay, sorry, I don't have like a magical weed given song gift. I can’t like improvise rhymes on the fly.  SANTA Ho ho …. that’s alright! I’ll bring all the jolly. BERNIE And I’ll bring all the oy! BOTH We fit together perfectly, BERNIE This Hebrew  SANTA and this goy! SANTA You lit up my yule-tide log and it’s - BOTH  - burning bright! BERNIE The sleigh is not the only thing that’s -  BOTH  - higher than a kite! A holly jolly mitzvah, yes it’s true! Who knew - BERNIE  - Christmas  SANTA Christmas  REINDEER Christmas  BOTH  - needed a you?

🎄🕎HOLY FRUITCAKE, PEOPLE—IT’S HERE.🕎🎄 What happens when Santa Claus gets absolutely wrecked on Hanukkah-themed edibles and nearly crashes Christmas? Enter Bernie, a Spirit Airlines check-in agent with a vape, a whole lot of baggage (pun intended), and zero clue how to save the season. Welcome to "The Jew Who Saved Christmas"—a table-read podcast that’s equal parts heartfelt holiday chaos and off-the-rails comedy. Dropping December 10 wherever you get your podcasts, this one is mandatory listening. 🎅 WRITTEN BY: Selyna Warren (@selynadoubleya) – Comic brilliance in action. Marissa Read (@marissalread) – Hilarity you didn’t know you needed. 🎭 STARRING AN EPIC CAST: Jeff Bergman (@jeffbergmanofficial) – The iconic voice behind Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Fred Flintstone and many of your faves. Selyna Warren (@selynadoubleya) – Yes, she writes AND stars. Triple threat alert. Jim O’Heir (@therealjimoheir) – You loved him in Parks and Rec, now you’ll love him as Santa. Marissa Read (@marissalread) – Another double-duty queen. John Milhiser (@johnmilhiser) – Former SNL dynamo. Kiel Kennedy (@kielkennedy) – Comedy gold standard. Tiffany Black (@tiffanyblackness) – A master of holiday hilarity. Carla Delaney (@voicesbycarla) – Voice magic that’ll leave you in stitches. Ashley Bell (@ashleymichaelbell) – Stealing scenes like Santa steals cookies. David Jacks – Actor extraordinaire who brings the laughs. ✨This is not your average holiday story. It’s raw, messy, laugh-out-loud funny, and packed with the kind of dysfunctional cheer we all secretly love. Mark your calendar. DECEMBER 10. Prepare to laugh your dreidel off, spill some eggnog, and sleigh into the season like never before.

Act 3: The Endgame – “Kill or Be Killed” By the final act, the arena is littered with bodies, and only a few contestants remain. Randall, Dana, and a handful of others must navigate the final rounds, where the weapons get deadlier and the fights more brutal. But the true horror of Versus isn’t just the violence—it’s the realization that there is no way out, no matter how many lives are taken. The system is rigged, and only those behind the tournament—The Promoter, The Executioner, and their faceless audience—stand to win. In the climactic fight, Randall is forced to face his ex-girlfriend Samantha, whom he tried to help by getting her the very job that led her here. The emotional weight of their shared past crashes into the brutality of the arena, as the two fight not just for survival, but for closure. Randall knows only one of them can leave the platform alive, and he must confront the darkest parts of himself to do what’s necessary. As the final bell tolls, the blood-drenched survivors stand victorious, but at what cost? The prize of freedom now feels like a hollow victory. Dana and Randall, broken and scarred, are left wondering if they’ve truly escaped—or if the tournament has only just begun. The final moments reveal a chilling twist: Versus is just one of many such tournaments happening across the globe. The Promoter, his identity still shrouded in mystery, congratulates the unseen viewers and teases the next event, leaving the audience with a haunting question: how far will humanity go for entertainment? Conclusion: Versus is a gut-wrenching, fast-paced descent into the darkest corners of human nature, where survival is earned in blood, and death is just another roll of the dice. With each act more intense than the last, the show pushes the boundaries of morality, violence, and desperation in a world where the line between entertainment and horror has been obliterated. Prepare to be both horrified and captivated, as the Versus Tournament leaves a trail of bodies—and questions—behind. About VS: "Sixteen people. Three rounds. One survivor. Welcome to the Versus Tournament, where everyday people must fight to the death—live-streamed for the darkest corners of the web. A brutal, high-stakes competition where only one escapes with their life... if they can survive the blood-soaked horrors within." Inspired by the dark and twisted imaginations of Scott Sigler, Versus is a full-cast performance podcast where Saw meets Gladiator in a terrifying, action-packed three-part saga. With Academy worthy sound design and a cinematic score that will leave you on edge, every moment is crafted to plunge listeners into the terrifying brutality of the tournament. Vist Us: https://www.tablereadpodcast.com/ Check Out Scott: https://scottsigler.com/