Daniella Mestyanek Young is a captivating figure in the study of cults and group psychology. Raised in the notorious Children of God cult, she escaped as a teen...
In this episode of Cults and the Culting of America, hosts Scot Loyd and Daniella Mestyanek Young engage with Tara and Floyd, who share their experiences growing up in the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) and the Advanced Training Institute (ATI). They discuss the complexities of deconstruction from fundamentalist beliefs, the emotional toll of leaving a cult, and the impact on family relationships. The conversation also touches on the importance of emotional awareness in parenting and the healing journey after leaving high-control groups. Tara and Floyd reflect on their participation in the documentary 'Shiny Happy People' and the challenges they faced in sharing their story. Tara and Floyd: Instagram: @advocateaverage tiktok: @advocateaverage Daniella's Links: You can read all about my story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/3V6GK6k / KnittingCultLady Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Other Podcasts Daniella's other podcast: Hey White Women Takeaways Deconstruction is a personal journey that varies for each individual. Cults often use contracts and strict rules to control members' lives. The emotional cost of leaving a cult can be profound, affecting family relationships. Parenting styles can be influenced by past experiences in cults. Finding peace and healing is possible after leaving a high-control group. The process of deconstruction can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself. Cults often exploit labor and manipulate finances for their benefit. Sharing one's story can be a powerful tool for healing and connection. The importance of emotional awareness in parenting cannot be overstated. Cults can be seen as criminal enterprises that exploit their members. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Journey of Deconstruction 01:33 Understanding IBLP and ATI 05:45 The Cult Debate: Is IBLP a Cult? 12:11 Navigating Different Deconstruction Timelines 18:27 The Impact of Parenting on Deconstruction 23:46 Sobriety and the Numbing Process 28:31 Emotional Suppression in Cults 31:11 The Birth of a Musical Concept 32:14 Living with the Pain of Loss 34:50 Navigating Family Relationships Post-Cult 37:18 The Complexity of Conditional Love 40:13 The Struggle of Acceptance and Identity 43:12 The Irony of Family Dynamics 46:22 Addiction to Certainty and Superiority 49:15 Finding Peace in Acceptance 53:05 The Journey of Healing and Advocacy Produced by Haley Phillips
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Episode 23 | Tia Levings Author of "A Well Trained Wife"
In this episode of Cults and the Culting of America, hosts Scot Loyd and Daniella engage with Tia Levings, a New York Times bestselling author and cult survivor. They discuss Tia's journey of writing her memoir, the impact of Christian patriarchy, and the allure of traditionalism in modern society. Tia shares her insights on the dynamics of complementarianism, the consequences of perfectionism, and the importance of storytelling in healing. The conversation emphasizes the need for awareness and empowerment among those affected by high-control groups, while also exploring the complexities of societal change and the role of women in shaping the future. Tia's Links https://tialevings.com/ https://tialevings.substack.com/ Instagram @tialevingswriter Threads @tialevingswriter TikTok @tialevingswriter Daniella's Links: You can read all about my story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/3V6GK6k / KnittingCultLady Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Other Podcasts Daniella's other podcast: Hey White Women Takeaways Tia's book started as therapeutic journals recommended by her therapist. The journey to writing a memoir can take years and evolve over time. Christian patriarchy influences many aspects of American culture. The concept of a 'cult without walls' highlights the pervasive nature of these deologies. Traditionalism can appear attractive but often masks deeper issues. Perfectionism is a significant burden for survivors of cults. The most vulnerable individuals often bear the brunt of abuse in high-control groups. Hope and empowerment are crucial in the face of societal chaos. People should always come before ideas in any belief system. Bitterness can serve as a powerful tool for healing and empowerment. Sound Bites "Welcome to 2025: A New Beginning" "It took years to tell my story" "Hope is stubborn and necessary" Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Context of 2025 03:39 The Journey to Writing a Memoir 06:25 The Impact of Christian Patriarchy 09:30 The Connection Between Personal Experience and Cultural Issues 12:25 The Allure of Traditional Gender Roles 15:27 Nostalgia and Misconceptions of the Past 18:15 Facing the Truth of Domestic Discipline 21:30 The Importance of Sharing Stories 24:14 The Dynamics of Complementarianism 27:14 Recognizing Abuse and Empowering Individuals 31:20 Breaking Free from Perfectionism 33:39 Childhood Vulnerability in Cults 35:53 The Future of Cults and Youth Movements 37:18 Chaos and Fundamentalism 38:02 Narcissism and Cult Leadership 39:29 Women’s Empowerment and Resistance 40:27 Surviving Authoritarianism 41:53 The Power of Storytelling 43:16 Bitterness as Empowerment 52:59 People Over Ideas: A Fundamental Principle Produced by Haley Phillips
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Episode 22 | Teaching and Public Education
In this conversation, Daniella and Jack explore the parallels between cult dynamics and the education system, particularly focusing on how teaching can exhibit cult-like characteristics. They discuss the impact of masculinity, patriarchy, and the control of children within educational settings. The conversation delves into the degradation ceremonies present in both cults and schools, the role of punishment in hierarchical systems, and the importance of unstructured outdoor time for child development. They also address the exploitation of teachers' labor, the purpose of education in society, and the need for resistance against oppressive structures. Ultimately, they emphasize the importance of community action and hope for a better future. Jack's Links: Website: https://healthecycle.com/ TikTok: @watchfulcayote Youtube: @WatchfulCayote Daniella's Links: You can read all about my story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/3V6GK6k / KnittingCultLady Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Other Podcasts Daniella's other podcast: Hey White Women Takeaways Teaching can exhibit cult-like characteristics. Masculinity is viewed as a cult in modern society. Patriarchy is a foundational cult system. Degradation ceremonies are common in both cults and schools. Children are difficult to brainwash due to their developmental stage. Self-sacrifice is a significant expectation in teaching. Education often discourages pushing back against authority. The current education system breaks individual identity. Community action is essential for change. Hope for the future is vital in resisting oppressive systems. Sound Bites "Teaching might be a little bit culty." "Masculinity today is a cult." "Hope for the future is essential." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Cult Dynamics in Education 02:57 Exploring Masculinity as a Cult 06:01 The Role of Patriarchy in Cult Structures 08:47 Degradation Ceremonies and Control Mechanisms 12:04 The Us vs. Them Mentality in Education 15:08 The Impact of Childhood Environment on Identity 18:01 Authority Figures and Internalized Hierarchies 20:59 The Sacred Assumption of Education 24:09 Democratic Education vs. Traditional Models 27:12 Self-Sacrifice and Labor Exploitation 30:03 The Broader Mechanism of Capitalist Exploitation 32:57 Comparisons to Historical Dictatorships 38:30 The State of Education and Social Services 41:01 The Purpose and History of Education 45:04 The Impact of Education on Identity and Agency 48:52 Challenging the Sacred Assumption of Capitalism 53:31 Resistance and the Role of Education 59:50 Pathways to Change and the Future of Education Produced by Haley Phillips
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Episode 21 | Spiritual Abuse and Single Family Cults
In this episode, Dr. Jamie Marich discusses her experiences with spiritual abuse and the dynamics of cults, emphasizing the importance of understanding these issues in therapy. She shares her personal journey of growing up in a high-demand religious environment, the impact of family dynamics, and her path to recovery from addiction. The conversation highlights the significance of storytelling and community support in healing, as well as the role of writing as a therapeutic tool. Dr. Marich also addresses the challenges faced by individuals leaving cult-like environments and the need for mental health professionals to recognize and address spiritual abuse. Dr. Marich's Links: Link to spiritual memoir writing course we discussed in the interview, Memoir Writing as Spiritual Practice starting January 14 bit.ly/3zbezeL Link for purchase options on You Lied to Me About God: A Memoir https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/760810/you-lied-to-me-about-god-by-jamie-marich-phd/ Websites: www.jamiemarich.com www.redefinetherapy.com www.instituteforcreativemindfulness.com Socials: IG @drjamiem TT @traumatherapistrants Daniella's Links: You can read all about my story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/3V6GK6k / KnittingCultLady Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Scot's Links Connect with Scot Loyd's social media (TikTok) Other Podcasts Daniella's other podcast: Hey White Women Takeaways Spiritual abuse is often overlooked in therapy. Cults use religion as a tool for control. Personal experiences can inform professional practice. Storytelling is a powerful healing tool. Community support is crucial for recovery. Addiction can stem from unprocessed trauma. High-demand religions can create toxic family dynamics. Writing can be a form of spiritual practice. Understanding cult dynamics helps in healing. There is a growing movement against high-demand religions. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Spiritual Insights 06:16 Understanding Cult Dynamics 12:30 The Impact of High-Control Groups 18:19 The Intersection of Religion and Mental Health 24:24 Finding Healing Through Connection 30:26 Concluding Thoughts on Healing and Growth 35:30 Navigating Academia and High Control Environments 44:35 Memoir as a Tool for Healing 53:06 Building Community and Resources for Healing Produced by Haley Phillips
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Episode 20 | Recovering from Purity Culture
In this conversation, Maddie Jo Cowsert shares her journey from growing up in evangelical purity culture to navigating her identity and sexuality in New York City. She discusses the complexities of deconstruction, the impact of family support, and her reflections on wealth and the behavior of rich people. The dialogue highlights the shared experiences of those who have left high-control groups and the ongoing search for belonging and purpose. Daniella's Links: You can read all about my story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/3V6GK6k / KnittingCultLady Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Scot's Links Connect with Scot Loyd's social media (TikTok) Other Podcasts Daniella's other podcast: Hey White Women Takeaways Purity culture instills a sense of identity centered around marriage. Moving to New York City can be a significant culture shock. Dating in a secular environment presents unique challenges for those raised in religious settings. Family support plays a crucial role in the deconstruction process. Wealth can create a disconnect in understanding real-life struggles. Rich people often face their own insecurities despite their wealth. Generosity among the wealthy can be genuine, but the system is flawed. The pressure to conform to societal expectations is pervasive in both religious and secular contexts. Deconstruction is often a slow and painful process of self-discovery. Finding a new identity after leaving a cult-like environment is a complex journey. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Purity Culture and Personal Background 03:29 The Spectrum of Religious Experiences 06:19 Cultural Shock: From Evangelicalism to New York City 09:12 Navigating Relationships and Sexuality 12:25 The Impact of New York's Dating Scene 15:21 Deconstructing Faith and Identity 18:30 The Role of Money and Prosperity in Religion 21:22 Social Dynamics and Group Behavior in Cults 24:22 The Internal Conflict of Leaving a Cult 27:14 The Journey of Rebuilding Identity 30:30 Conclusion: Humor and Healing in Deconstruction 31:07 Navigating Early Relationships and Cultural Expectations 32:49 The Impact of Purity Culture on Sexual Experiences 36:04 The Insidious Nature of Cultural Norms 37:28 Parallels in Trauma and Healing 39:34 Family Dynamics and Support in Deconstruction 42:23 Grieving the Loss of a Conditional Relationship with God 46:13 The Role of Education and Critical Thinking in Parenting 48:52 The Importance of Unconditional Love in Cult Recovery 51:35 Reevaluating Definitions of Love and Acceptance 53:32 Insights from Working with the Wealthy 59:27 The Cult of Capitalism and Its Implications
Daniella Mestyanek Young is a captivating figure in the study of cults and group psychology. Raised in the notorious Children of God cult, she escaped as a teenager and later joined the U.S. military, where she specialized in studying terrorists and other extreme groups as a military intelligence officer. Daniella holds a master's degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology from Harvard Extension School and is the author of "Uncultured," a critically acclaimed memoir. Today, she is a scholar of cults, extreme groups, and toxic leadership, leveraging her unique experiences to illuminate the dynamics of cults and the manipulative tactics of charismatic leaders. Together with fellow cult survivor Scot Loyd, Daniella delves into the intricacies of some of the world's most notorious cults and reveals how these same manipulative techniques are present in various aspects of our society.
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